The situation

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• Nancy was feeling stressed out by work and had decided she needed to leave her job. Combining her job with looking after her children ​was difficult. She felt that the people at work resented her and didn't think she was pulling her weight any more as she was now only working part time. Compared to how she used to work, she felt she should be doing better even though she was working really hard, so a new job and a fresh start seemed the only option.

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What we did

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• Explored what was really going on for Nancy.

  • It turned out that Nancy had a rule/belief that she always needed to be in control of everything all the time. She had to do everything well all of the time. So feeling that she wasn't able to perform the way she used to and put in the overtime she used to was causing her stress, making her feel like she had to work harder and leading her to the conclusion she needed to change jobs.

  • She also realised that whilst she thought that other people were judging her for 'slacking off' as she was only working part time now, that was partly how she felt herself. With a bit more thinking though, she started to realise how hard she worked and how much she would defend her position if challenged. She was was doing the job she was there to do in the time she was there and that was that. 

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• Looked at what it might be useful to change? Was it her job as she thought?

  • Having looked at what was causing the stress, Nancy realised it was her rules, self expectations and attitude that was causing the most stress and was shocked to understand that these rules were hers to change if she wanted. She could choose to take the pressure off. She could choose a different internal dialogue that was kinder. And she also realised that she was already doing more than enough in her role and could cope with whatever was thrown at her. She didn't need to work so much harder to make up for the time she wasn't in the office as she had been doing. If she dialled down her rules just a bit, she realised she would still achieve everything she needed to AND experience less stress.

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The result

What Nancy learnt from our discussion was enough to spark a change. She hadn't realised that there was another choice. She thought she was just the way she was and that was that. Realising she didn't have to be the way she'd always been, her perspective changed and changing her job wasn't the only option.  

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What my client said 

Just one session with Mary adjusted my mindset in relation to work and has really made the difference. I’m actually still in the same place but much happier and honestly the only thing that’s changed is my attitude to it.​ I did look elsewhere but realised on balance I’m in a good situation that I can make work for me for now.